The externally successful and internally miserable types often have a pretty intense habit of self-judgment after mistakes. It’s hard to be sustainably successful when you beat the hell out of yourself every time you slip up. The other type is externally successful and also has a relatively calm and confident interior life as well.Īnd while there are many factors that could lead to this difference, here’s a big one I don’t think is well enough appreciated:.One type is very externally successful, but miserable on the inside.One of the things I’ve noticed in observing people who are successful is that there are really two types of successful people… They’re compassionate with their mistakes They’re aware of the role they play in initiating or maintaining unhelpful mental patterns and as a result, are better at regulating those thoughts patterns and the emotions that follow.ģ. On the other hand, successful people often have a habit of reflecting on and paying attention to their own thoughts. Chronic self-criticism → chronically low self-confidence.As a result, they find themselves at the mercy of all the emotions those thought patterns lead to:
Most people are not very aware of their mental patterns. If you want to control your emotions, you must learn to manage your thinking. Specifically, patterns of thinking like chronic worry or negative self-talk lead to much stronger and longer lasting emotions. On the other hand, if you can get in the habit of acknowledging your emotions when they first show up-and then validating them instead of trying to get rid of them-you stand a much better chance of staying emotionally balanced and getting on with your most important work and goals.Īside from ignoring your emotions when they first show up, the other reason they end up ballooning into giant, overwhelming feelings is because we unintentionally feed them. While this feels good in the short term, it usually leads to those feelings getting much bigger and more intense over time. Most people get overwhelmed by painful emotions because they ignore them or distract themselves when those emotions are small. It’s easier to manage difficult emotions when you catch them early. But why is it that some people manage these feelings relatively well while others don’t?
Of course, we all experience difficult emotions like fear, sadness, or anger. It’s hard to be successful in any part of life if you constantly get overwhelmed by painful emotions. Here are 7 psychological habits I’ve observed in highly successful people that we can all learn from-whatever your definition of success is.
It’s a lot easier to be successful when you have a good relationship with your own mind. It’s my experience that when you look carefully at people who have achieved and maintained some amount of meaningful success in their life, one of the hidden variables behind that success is that they don’t get sabotaged and derailed by their own thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. But the exception doesn’t prove the rule. Of course, there are plenty of people who are very successful despite not having a great relationship with themselves. But they also tend to avoid the more unhelpful and destructive end of that continuum-self-judgment, rumination, negative self-talk, etc. Successful people tend to be quite reflective and honest about their shortcomings. When I get to know people who have been successful-and I use that term successful in a pretty broad sense-it seems to me that many of them have an uncommonly positive relationship with themselves.įor example: One of the marks of a healthy relationship with yourself is that you don’t fall into self-criticism very often or too intensely.
Successful people tend to have good relationships with themselves.
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